to you with hate

you're in white playing the guitar
i'm in black sitting quite far
shades of grey inside this bar
drown in red, we're in war

in silence, enraged with hate
trapped within an ugly state
blinded by sweet serenade
trusted you my soul mate

this is how you played the game
after all sacrifices i've made
deserted me in puddle of shame
simply because the name of fame

tearing my heart bit by bit
infuriated me, you piece of shit
can't guarantee, you in one piece
sorry darling, but you ask for it!

...we find ourselves in love again

in the still of the dusk,
where the sky shines yellow,
i ease on the green green grass,
wishing the time goes slow
whisper of wind through the trees,
playing tune reminds me of you,
catch the sight of falling leaves,
one by one, missing you

in these hour of loneliness ,
haunted by the day i depart,
though it has been a long time,
we are thousand miles apart,
i still try to find solace in you,
everytime i fall in the blues,
but you choose to ignore my pain,
of loving you thinking of you,

in this rough time i cry,
only regret that i can find,
you've shared your blue paradise,
but not me there by your side,
more frailer than melting ice,
i am just counting time,
and scarcely feel the desire,
to carry on another night,

i still hold on to the past,
to the memories of you and i,
living in castle i build in the air,
and dwell in short-lived joys,
i promise my love to you,
but you dismiss me to a side,
and plead me to back off,
that for me is suicide,

in this darkness i breathe,
searching for an exit light,
i know you carry the flare,
but you obscure it off my sight,
though is beyond impossible,
you hold me tight guide me out
i keep repeating my favourite line,
"i still believe, someday you and me, we find ourselves in love again....."

temporary shag

i am completely flummoxed
of this relationship we have
i dont think i love you
i dont think you are the so called 'one'
but i do need you desperately
perhaps i fear the thought of being alone
i always call you up
especially when i am bored shitless
i never stop driving to yours
whenever i am horny for a shag
the fact that no one is quite as good as you
when it comes to fucking
cause you do it with great finnesse

perhaps i am in deep lust with you
i crave for you every now and then
and of course.....
while waiting for someone better comes along

my 'human sexuality' lecturer

my knees wobble frantically
at the sight of her
adrenaline pumping ridiculously
each time she passes by

so demure yet highly sensuos
on the desk crossing her leg

tight skirt and leather heels

black hair tied to the back

everytime she eye-daggers me

sends shiver down my spine

incites many filthy thoughts

intensity so hard to handle

reminiscents Halle Berry

in her infamous catsuit

claws and leather whip

authoritative and dominant

i promise to be naughty

i promise to disobey

i promise to be available

whenever you're ready to punish

high

music is all around
in fountain of psychedelic colours
beautiful sight that 'comfortably numbs' me

absolute nothingness tickles me hysterically

plonk like a stone between the seats

conscious of figures moving about

i try to contain not laughing in their face

cause they all seem to be turning japanese

i then tip toe on the dancefloor
moving absurdly with no direction
trying to lock a balance with my yoga trick

but i drop like a humpty dumpty that had a great fall

i am definitely seeing things

i am definitely behaving silly

after i chased away the dragon
together with brew of green and a dash of coke

even angels and devils get the blues

a devil and an angel

exchanging frustrations

confiding in each other

of their predicaments and uncertainties

wallowing in confusion

not content with their purpose of existence

one is sick being hailed

compassionate, kind-hearted, loving.......

all the commendable shits you can think of

the other one is tired being jeered

evil, malicious, destructive......

all sinful characters under the sun

once in a while

even angels and devils get the blues.......

insomnia again

insomnia again

fuck fuck fuck

no more valiums

should have stored more

i refuse to count sheeps tonight

sheeps are boring and overrated

maybe something new

something that hops

one freaking frog

two freaking frogs

three freaking frogs

....hundred and twenty nine bloody freaking frogs

god damn it, useless

a failure attempt

stupid frogs

i know what is effective

a big fat joint

more weed less tobacco

that will knock me off

nell

she entered the room silently
so jaded so lifeless so lost
vacant expression on her face
except her eyes that casted unhappiness

she seemed to be at her lowest
a depressed volcano
ready to erupt, ready to explode, ready to burst
unable to contain her sorrow
she submerged in pain

i offered her my not so comfortable shoulder
and a pair of ready ear
she broke down in tears like a little baby
she confided in my lyrically
her soul her life her heartaches
completely stripped completely naked

yet she was a stranger to me
and i was a stranger to her
uninformed of name

i tried

evening sun ignite end of day
colour of yellow gracing on us
an empty park, we stroll away
humming tunes secretly written for you

so beautiful in your summer dress
scent of lush you radiate
you start to do your little dance
and i, totally smitten for you

i long to make you mine
i want to be the one you love
but everytime i get closer
you step further away

i tried to steal a glance
you kept staring at the sky
i tried to hold your hand
you hid them away from me
i tried to put my arm around
you shrugged but smiled at me
as i tried to tell you 'i love you'
you gently whispered 'no'

les

you call her a dyke
she styles her short hair spiky
and wears her daddy's chequered shirt

you call her a butch
her arms are stronger thant yours
and she beats you in arm wrestling

you call her horrible names
a carpet muncher
bloody homo, fucking lesbian
you hate her
that she loves pussy more than your dick

happy potato

i woke up in the morning
i couldnt my find pack of fags
i swear i left it under the bed
bizarre, it wasn't there
so i took the half smoked fag
off the green plastic ashtray
well...it tasted alright
i am not complaining

i refused to clean
i hate cold water in the morning
i wandered in my spiderman boxer
watering plants that never seem to grow
bored, i wanted a conversation
but no one bloody around

so i ended chatting to my pussy cat

over a bowl of cereal with chocolate milk
i wanted to watch something on tele
but nothing interesting till late
decided to watch "shaving ryan's private"

with bud on the left and walkers on the right

oh well...just another lazy sunday
slouching at home like a happy potato
while the rest of the world was out
being religious, doing religious things
listening to religious talk, singing religious song
in a religious house
hallelujah
thank god for Sunday

i love you

i've always bewildered by your beauty
and always glad that you're still with me
you've never stopped holding my hand
i feel safe to be next to you

i've always turn to you whenever i'm down
and always thankful that you're forever there
you've never stepped away from me
i am so blessed to have you in my life

and i love you so
i love you all my life
just one gaze into your eyes
i know i have nothing to be scared
and i love you so
till the end of our time
just one kiss on my lips
i know i am loved
and i know this is for eternity

london v shanghai

december 1998
london
cosmopolitan
million of people
too diverse
we don't look the same
very uncommon
i was different

december 2003
shanghai
cosmopolitan
million of people
too similar
we all look the same
very common
i need to be different

i give in

army of sadness marches

forcing their way into me

i've no strength to retaliate

like a defenseless soldier

i surrender

darkness flows in disgracefully

stealing the light above me

i've no strength to escape

like an angel without wings

i am fallen

strong waves storm furiously

washing my land away from me

i've no strength to salvage

like a ship struck an iceberg

i am foundered

this battle is getting heavier

taking my energy off of me

i've no strength to fight

like someone who has lost hope

i give in

we are over

two lovers

at platform 9

iced like statues

oblivious to people rushing by

face to face

hush.....silence.......

to the noise of rain

to the noise of trains

nothing to say

nothing to hide

i've had enough of you

you've had enough of me

together we cried

faded away

it wasn't pretty

we weren't fine

we don't need a reason,

it was mutual

you and i

we are over

I am Dageus

call me whatever fuck you want

as if i give a damn

the undead

creature of the night

son of demon...

i wander alone in dark alleys

in my most charming english suit

i look good

preying for mortals

ahahha...absurd being

blindly fall for a sexy, dashing, suave handsome creature

effortlessly seduce them

wrap them around my little finger

drown them in my electrifying green eyes

and a kiss to melt them

i lure to satisfy their lust

i am their ultimate desire

in return

they satisfy my thirst and my need

warm mortal blood

rushing down my throat like niagara falls

watching while they wrestle hard

crying for help

gasping for air

begging for their worthless life

their strength getting weaker and weaker

it turns me on

oh, sweet lord

how i love all these shallow, helpless mortals

colour my world in black

making me forever beautiful...

foolish

would you care

if i was to fall sick and die

would you catch

if i was to fall from the high

i guess that you won't

even if was to bleed for you

sometimes i wonder how i stand

you won't even take a second glance

when i look my best

you won't even bothered to comfort

when i break down and cry

you always spit all over my pain

yet i foolishly baring my love for you

would you follow

if i was to walk away now

would you even remember

that you said you'd die for me

i know that you won't

even if was to bleed for you

sometimes i feel like giving it all up

alone

walked down an empty road
cold wind biting to the big ocean
humming to a depresing tune
with a cigarette to keep me warm

sat alone an empty shore
shouted my fear to the open sea
listening to the seabreeze calling
with a red to keep me drunk

cried hard an empty soul
without one to confide to
wallowing to my own self pity
frustrated in shadow of blue

the last straw

i turned my head to my left

noticed the first time you were not there

still smell of your hair on the pillow

that was what you left me with

nothing much i could do

but to lie silly on empty bed

my baby has left

while i was dreaming of her

i know i lied to you

more than three times this year

you stood strong by my side

forgave me each time i cried

but this time i've stepped too far

not even tears could save my arse

you took the last straw

and you took it really hard

i only have myself to blame

taken you for granted

do you hear me?!

i hear you called out my name
i refuse to notice it
i know that you are lonely
but why should i give a damn?

do you not remember
how it was so wrong of you
to be in the devil's arm
leaving me completely numb!
how it was so wrong of you
to scar me so deep
of my feeling for you

do you hear me?!
stop calling my name
do you hear me?!
i dont want you back
do you hear me?!
i only have hate for you
do you hear me?!
just get out of my life for good

mistake

15 upper flat Loveridge Road
two consenting adults
every weekend without a miss
a' la "me and mrs jones"
meaningless sex

buggery fuck!
i broke the rule
too careless to let the heart overpowers the dick
i've fallen unexpectedly

what should i do to be in you
once more..
with no feeling...purely gratification

million stars

3 degree celcius

warming myself by the fireside

in a wide open land to the sound of silence

The sky is not alone tonight

million of stars all over it

they shimmer elegantly

this is my first time underneath million of stars

nothing but beautiful stars

i am totally bedazzled

I think i will just spend the night out here

making wishes after wishes

upon these stars

wondering if any of them will come true

good news

i turn on the TV

piss wank dick!
i dont believe it
4,6,10,20,22,23
is double roll-over,
i am an instant millionaire!!!

what the fuck?!!!!!!! this is just getting better
US has decided to pull out from Iraq for good
world leaders compromised ...world peace
breakthrough in medicine
cure for AIDS free for all
world trade has been made fair
third world debts totally eliminated
economic sanction on Cuba is lifted
Aung San Sun Kyi is a free person
i am well bloody overwhelmed

oh bollocks,
hang on a second
is 4 a.m, still in my bed

adultery

bloody humid afternoon

a hooker and i

Vinh Trang Guesthouse

checked in at 1

Room 12

not massive

mingy cheap wallpaper

one queen size bed

a wonky table

two red plastic chairs

piece of unsightly mediocre picture

rattling ceiling fan

and dim lighting

i wonder

how many men have cheated

in this same room......

regret

i had a chance

to love and to be loved in return

i was foolish

to let it slipped away

in pursuit of a short lived gratification

now that you've moved on

i can't be a bastard

to beg you to step back to the point that i left

bit too late now

somewhere along the line

i scribbled a mistake

i can only regret

handprints

i shall leave my small dirty handprints

on your clean white wall

i hope they stay there forever

when i grow up

to be a big big boy

my hands be bigger than yours

those handprints

will infinitely remind you that

i was once a little little boy

once

your little baby

to bill with love

he strummed the guitar
i sang to the melody
making music in the kitchen
sometimes after midnight

two slobs on a sofa bed
laughing hysterically
over royal tenenbaums
for the 14th times

exchanging stories
repetoire of sexual encounters
over tigers and cotes du rhone

continuosly rolling
continuosly puffing
absolutely stoned
just another marijuana session

porn

3.55 a.m, windy sunday

still counting sheeps...

....i lost count

stood by the balcony

lit up a Marlboro

nothing interesting on the street

apart from two stray dogs rummaging the bin

another unsuccessful attempt to sleep again

if only i had bought valium earlier

...maybe i watch a porn and be naughty

was told it works....occasionally

night has come

night has come

shadow the sky

so is my heart

night has come

darken the day

so is my world

night has come

silence the air

so is my breath

night has come

so is my time

i bid you farewell

Transition

Oh bugger!!! finally

Do i really have to?

To have my two feet on the ground

I have been living the life of a wanderer

and love every second of it

now,

i will swim with the flow of the river

to the big ocean ........

where everyone becomes uniform

surrender to reality, normality, stability

maybe....

well maybe one day....

i will be off the sea

and on the road again

like before...

Johnny

johnny rushed in an hour late

single malt ready for him.....

uncomfortably downing one glass after another

he started to mumble,

peculiar! Johnny never mumbled, not in his dictionary

Out of the blue he talked of

life, angels, heaven, eternity.........

demon within, pain, hell....

destiny, fate...

What the hell?!!!! meaningless to me

i laughed away to his alchohol nonesense

exactly 12.34 a.m

johnny gave me a hug, so tight, crushing my bones

looked hard, looked troubled

twenty seconds later he stormed out the door

taxied away in the pouring rain

mysterious johnny

what's his story?

that was the last time i saw the back of him

no one knows where he is

where is johnny?

unwanted coffee

i am a cup of coffee

freshly brewed

from the finest beans

in a fancy cup

hot, alluring, aroma.....

i am ready....waiting.....still waiting...still....no eager lips

alone..gradually from cold to colder...

undesirable and unwanted cup of coffee

old man across the street pt II

he was still there still with nothing still a nothing and wandered around begging for fifty cents or a pound a beer a lager a fag a bite of the sandwich and left over chips never tired could not care less always lost insignificant but is fine he still has his corner his cardboard and still living in his own little world in this big big world he survives today for another tomorrow another tomorrow another tomorrow

old man across the street pt 1

he had nothing not even a dollar for bread not even a roof when it rains he was so frail as the cold night set in he smiled waved his right hand without looking and walked away to hide at a corner with a ciggie between those scrawny dirty fingers happily smoking away with his eyes closed humming a tune slowly falling asleep in his ragged clothing on a brown cardboard as he dreamt away

black

black

clouding you

you look confused, uncertain,unable to arrive to a decision

shit happens

you are not alone,

everyone has their own black moment

be patient

it'll fade, won't be coloured by black any longer

white always return

calms everything, colours tranquility

starry starry night

under those starry starry nights, i'm feeling slightly down, into the dark sky i want to leave all worries behind

crazy thoughts going round and round, sad memories still stick around, i wish upon a star, i can steal those memories, hide them away behind every cloud

million of stars covering the sky, whenever i'm down again, i will pick one star, throw all my sadness there, i shall be in peace

after she left

after the funeral

i drove home

wreathed in misery

completely shattered

standing still

scent of her still lingered

nowhere to be seen

memories of her and i

playing in my mind deliriously

i do wish she is around

i dislike empty bed

and i miss her hot chocolate in the morning

in denial

corner table by the window

black coffee for you and i

watching the motionless traffic

we talked about everything ........................

if it would stop raining by four o'clock

it we should have bought the red car (not the black)

if Blair should stay for another term (or should Cameron?)

if we should have holiday in Thailand (Sweden perhaps?)

if Nick Drake is still alive (an icon?)

if we should try new positions in bed

So many things to talk about

Mostly unnecessary

literally............we talked

But

Nothing of our ill broken relationship

Land of Magic

i sailed away

to the land of obscurity

i floated away

to the realm of dreams

i flew away

to the sky of love

i swam away

to the sea of no worries

i slept alone

in the land of magic

green green grasses

flowers and mushrooms

flying like doves

feeling like stone

i was all alone

two level higher

dived into land of magic

many many times...................................

Hurricane

Sometimes we fight
Sometimes we love

If we break up
Then we make up

Part of us love
Part of us hate

We love....... we kiss
We hate ........ we miss

Sometimes we hold on
Sometimes we move on

This is insane
There is no end

How can we love?
When we love like hurricane

Perfect Shoulder

it ain't easy

to find that perfect shoulder

effortlessly offers

remedy

security

comfort

and friendship

cherish it

before it is too late.......